I've Had an Epiphany

You people make me sick.

That's right, you all, the meat-eaters of the world, make me want to regurgitate my innards all over your tainted kitchen tables. I've made the solemn vow before nature and evolution and Sacred Cows to never consume the flesh of a poor innocent creature again, for every bite of their blood-soaked tissue is another drop of my soul that seeps out of the pours of my humanity, into the choking morass of cold immorality. I will fight for the rights of defenseless creatures that have no way to fight the wicked humans that chop them up into tiny bits, as every cell screams out in the agony of a thousand burning villagers. We must stand where a hamburger cannot stand, shout where the ham and cheese sandwich cannot shout, rise up for all the chicken wings that could never rise up!

Vegetarianism is not enough! Vegans across the world is the only way the precious animals will ever get their due, and have the wrongs done them righted. Every day across the world, atrocities are being committed sooner than we eat out breakfast. Thousands of aborted chickens are consumed without a second thought, other than this egg is tasty. BARBARIANS! How would you feel if those were your embryos!? You certainly wouldn't fry them up in a deplorable pan mired with diced veggies and morally reprehensible cheese. That deplorable concoction poisons everything from perfectly reasonable pasta and nutritious broccoli to the hated hamburger and senseless chili con carne. People take the purest food lovingly made for young animals by their mothers and ruin it with insidious enzymes and belligerent bacteria. But don't think for a second that you're in the clear if you leave that milk untouched. Homoginization is a sin, and there are starving calves in Africa. Every time you pour an ounce of milk, God kills a kitten. You don't want to kill kittens, do you?