Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Friday, December 14, 2007

What if...

...elementary schools didn't sugar-coat their history lessons?

This commercial made me laugh.





Now, back to the paper I should be doing.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I can't believe I missed this...

In keeping with the recent sports theme:

Despite certain favorite football teams going 0-13, the BCS being woefully inadequate, and other usual gripes, some things in the sports world are just right. I'm hoping he's not burned out yet, but in a lot of ways, it really doesn't matter.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Optimism

With a loss next week, or a win by St. Louis, the Dolphins can clinch the first pick in the draft!

















Hooray for looking on the bright side!

Monday, November 26, 2007

Still Alive!

Not dead! I even blog every once in a while!

So, I'll continue in the vein of college football, because I can. OU pretty much screwed themselves for the championship when they collapsed against Tech, but looking at the BCS top 10...

1. Missouri
2. West Virginia
3. Ohio State
4. Georgia
5. Kansas
6. Virginia Tech
7. LSU
8. USC
9. OU
10. Florida

Missouri has to play us on Saturday in the Big 12 championship. West Virginia plays their rival, Pittsburg. Ohio State is done. Georgia is done, but did not make it to their conference championship, losing their division's tie-breaker to Tennessee. Kansas is in the same situation, but has the advantage of only one loss. Virginia Tech plays Boston College in the ACC title game. LSU plays Tennessee for the SEC title. USC plays rival UCLA. They've already secured their conference title by beating Arizona St. last week. Florida is done with three losses, therefore out of the picture.

SO...

If we win, and West Virginia, Virginia Tech, LSU, and USC all lose, then there's a pretty good chance we'll be in the national championship against Ohio State. Otherwise, it's going to be Fiesta Bowl or Cotton Bowl. Hope springs eternal, friends.

Finally, a message from Gary, the No-Trash Cougar.



Remember, give a larbage, throw out your garbage.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Food for Thought, College Football Fans

As of today, none of the five undefeated Division (formerly known as) I-A teams have a victory against a school in the BCS standings.

Ohio state plays two top 25 teams in their last four, Penn State this week, and Michigan in their last game. If anyone has followed the OSU/Michigan game, they know it can always go either way.

Boston College plays #8 Virginia Tech tonight; their remaining Big East schedule is not going to be a slouch either, with games against Clemson and Miami remaining.

Arizona State is almost sure to go down sometime in the next six weeks. They have games against Cal, USC, UCLA, and Oregon still left. If they can manage to defeat all of the major powers in the PAC 10 over the next month, I'll be severely impressed.

Kansas could actually pull off an unbeaten regular season, I think. Their toughest games will be this week against aTm, and the end of the season against Missouri. Of course, they'd eventually lose to us in the Big 12 championship. Naturally.

Hawaii could too, if they don't screw it up. Being in the WAC, they play a bunch of crappy teams, and Boise State, who they get at home. The question is: do they screw it up?

Will anybody run the table this year? If we're being honest, I'd have to say probably not. Ohio State has the best chance, but I really think they're going to get knocked off. Of course, who's to say, really? College football this year is CRAZY! Who knows what's going to happen?

Sunday, October 21, 2007

I'm Not THAT Impressed

Sure, seven weeks into his rookie season, he's leading the NFL in rushing while sharing time at running back with Vikings veteran Chester Taylor, but Adrian Peterson's recent awesomeness is not any real surprise to me...













...nor should it be to anyone who watched him regularly while he wore crimson and cream every Saturday. In his 3 years at OU, he averaged around 135 yards per game and scored 40 touchdowns during the regular season. People who've watched the Sooners in the last three years know his potential for game-changing awesomeness - they've seen it time and time again. I'm sure we all remember those plays when he'd run into a crowd of defenders on the line, then somehow emerge, turning a potential loss into a big gain, the times he'd literally knock all the defenders that got in his way to the ground, and when he'd fake a linebacker out of his socks, then outrun the entire secondary with his astounding speed. On the biggest national stage, however, Peterson was considerably less exciting. During his three bowl games, Peterson averaged only 81 yards per game, and scored two touchdowns, both against Boise State in the Fiesta Bowl. Of course, now that he's a high-profile NFL rookie, everyone's aware of just what he can do against quality defenses. I'm not trying to belittle his accomplishment, far from it. If he keeps this up, he'll be a lock for rookie of the year. All I'm trying to say, is that this is not news to me; from AD, this is what I expect.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Jimmy's Back

Wow...I've really been neglecting this weblog. Then again, you've all been neglecting it, so I've an excuse. Sometimes I need an audience to motivate me to write. Let's hope this does not strike me during my NaNoWriMo adventures, because while I still have full intentions to go forward with all that insanity, if it sucks A LOT, you probably won't get to read it. Sorry. I know it's going to suck at least a little, since I've basically done no planning, and no research. There's just one phrase I've been turning over in my mind since I read a few chapters from the memoirs of a British colonial Governor's wife: "When someone asks you to be Viceroy of India, you don't turn them down." My own work, all 14 words. You may hold your applause until the novel's completion. I've also thought about McCarthyism, Mars, and swashbuckling. Depending on how starved I am for inspiration, they may all make an appearance.


Anyway, back to the title, and the purpose of this post!
















I'm listening to Jimmy Eat World's new album, Chase This Light. Initial impressions are quite positive. Basically, it's Jimmy Eat World...about what you'd expect. "Gotta Be Somebody's Blues" has an interesting, complex sound, if it's a little on the "poor me" side. Though I'm not all the way through, I'd say there seems to be a bit more "If You Don't, Don't", and "Futures", and a little less "Get It Faster", "Nothingwrong", and "Just Tonight". But alas, having essentially no familiarity with their pre-commercialized body of work, I don't think I'm qualified to make sweeping statements about their stylistic trends. I'll save that for the not-as-good-as-Morning View-but-I-still-like-it-anyway Incubus albums.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Your Daily Dose of Classy....

Courtesy of Chris Walken and Fatboy Slim. Enjoy!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

ARRRR!!!

Happy International Talk Like a Pirate Day, ye scurvy dogs!


















Stop conjugating "to be," and give everyone you meet a hearty "Ahoy!" Have some rum, and let out a hearty "ARRRRR!" for it be me third favorite holiday of the year! Avast! Who goes there? 'Tis I, ye bloody bilge rats! Enjoy the rest of yer piratey day!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

R.O.P.D.R.P.W. Episode XI: Resistance is Futile


















This episode is dedicated to that thing in Alex's ear. Obviously they're stylish and cutting edge, but I suspect a more...insidious purpose. You might be fooling some people, but you're not fooling me!

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Evidence...

...that Dick Cheney is (was) a smart man, and that power corrupts.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

The Wagon

It would seem to me, and probably to anyone else out there who still bothers to check this space for its ever-sparser updates, that I've fallen off of the proverbial blog wagon. I've had very little desire or inspiration to post lately, which is not to say that I've had any less content to post. I could have done a recap of my summer reading, set out some goals for the semester, a commentary on predictions for OU's forthcoming football campaign, an account of how pumped I am for Halo 3...the list goes on. I just haven't felt like writing. Yet the whole point of this was to overcome that writer's block, or perhaps more accurately, writer's boredom. There have been two posts with what could be considered original, worthy content in the past six weeks: hardly living up to the lofty goal I set for myself, so I must ultimately call this one a failed step.

That's the bad news. The good news is, that plan was only step one, really just a prologue to a larger goal. My over-elaborate running metaphor was all in reference to this: National Novel Writing Month. The idea is that during the month of November, you write so many words a day on a novel, using strict pacing to overcome the burden of time and boredom. So, not speaking anything of quality or readability, at the end of November, you will have written a novel. As this has always been a goal of mine, I figure, why not. If I have a crappy one in the course of a month, who's to say I couldn't put out a quality one in a year or so? So if anyone would like to join me in this effort, say, any aspiring writers...*AHEM*...I think this should be interesting, even though the final product probably won't be any sort of a work of art.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Assuming Halo 3 won't be dominating my video game time at that point:

Guitar Hero III comes out on October 29.

Some confirmed artists include:


























Yeah, I think that's exciting.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Back in the Old Form



The Braves, under GM John Schuerholz, is back up to their old mid-season tricks. As I write this, about an hour until the MLB trade deadline for 2007, they have traded for Texas first baseman Mark Teixeira, filling what had been more or less a hole in their lineup with the well-paid slugger, and getting lefty reliever Ron Mahay. The Rangers come out fairly well on the deal, getting up-and-coming catcher Jarrod Saltalamacchia, who had been backing up all-star Brian McCann and filling in at first base, in addition to three minor league prospects.












They also added powerful reliever Octavio Dotel, sending promising, if inconsistant starter Kyle Davies to the Royals. This move should help them to shore up their bullpen, which was the bane of their team's existance last year, and a real weak spot since John Smoltz returned to the starting rotation, dominating it in the way he did the Braves bullpen. While the starting rotation remains a bit of a question mark beyond Smoltz and Tim Hudson, these trades give the Braves what should be a competent relief staff, and with the addition of Teixeira, one of the most powerful offensive lineups in the National League. If they weren't seen as a contender before, they certainly will be now, and barring some unexpected injury, I will be surprised if they aren't back on top of the NL east by October. The Mets and Phillies did do a little patchwork, but in the end, I'd say they should watch their asses, because Atlanta will be coming up fast.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Not Important


If you didn't know, Albertson's recently had a fire sale on grocery stores in Oklahoma; Homeland got the Norman locations. Since Homeland (where the carrots are) does not have a contract with Starbucks, my former place of employment will be no more...probably already is.

Anywhom, all this has me thinking about a few people, who I will likely never see again, with whom I had a casual, friendly, if conditional rapport. What has, and will become of Jake, Tania, Joy, the old guy with the Terrible Herb's cup, Jim, the Senator... hell, even wacky Jan and her traveling zoo... it's not really that important, but these were people who I basically got to know in one way or another over three years, and I wonder about them sometimes. Oh well. I guess this is just one of those things I'll have to accept and move on. I wouldn't be surprised if the same thing happens again. It's a big world out there, full of opportunity, and people who don't care. Ah, but I feel rambley now... anyway, like I said, not really important.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Two Questions

Okay, I've got two questions.

First, what's up with that ODOT "test sign" on 235 south near the capitol? What are they testing exactly, whether or not you can actually see the sign? How about if it doesn't fall down and impale some passing motorists....so far that test is successful it would seem, because the sign's been there for at least 5 years. I'm really confused by that thing.

Second....crap. What was my second question again? I don't remember. That's really unfortunate. Well, I suppose it's just one question then. Anyway...tests signs. What's up with that?

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Will It Blend?

That is the question! This is from the best video series on YouTube. If you've got some time on your hands, check these things out.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

You're getting sleeeeepy.

So lately I can't seem to get up in the morning...maybe it's because I can't seem to establish a routine, but no matter when I go to bed, even if I get up before it, I'm basically out of action until 10:30 or so. Some days I consider that a good thing, but since I'm trying to normalize my sleeping, it's not going so great...oh well, there's always tomorrow. Catch you later, The Internet!

Monday, June 25, 2007

This is Part II of a story...

...that began quite some time ago, about a young hermit crab named Jean Valjean.

His first reaction, intrepid though he was, was panic.

Skitter skitter skitter, went his quick little legs, back and forth, to and fro across his ruddy prison. After a few circuits, however, he realized that he was not getting anywhere. And intrepid as he was, he knew that he had to be calm, rational and strong. Okay.

Step one: Assess the situation
I'm trapped in a tall, slick cell with high, circular walls. Aliens put me here. I don't know what they want with me.

Step two: Options
Perhaps make a hole, maybe climb in some way, run-

-and just as he was beginning to formulate a scheme, the plastic walls confining him began to sway. Our hero slid slowly to one side of his cell, then was quickly flung to the other. He retreated into his lovely split level shell, but the impact of the backswing thrust him back out. Then, in a flash, he was dashed against the other side, and the dull red glow of his world faded to black.

Dreams are odd places.
One never really knows what
will happen to him.

A large purple fish
with creaky robotic legs
stalks across his beach.

Jean extends his claws
and snaps them three times. "I pinch!"
The fish steps forward.

Snip snip! The leg creaks
and the hideous fish falls,
lurching toward the ground.

"I'M A LUMBERJACK
AND I'M OKAY!" with a loud,
high pitched voice, falling...

With a start, Jean awoke. Light flooded his crimson prison, and he tumbled out into a bright, white room. Under his feet was a clingy, fibrous surface that caught his claws when tried to shield himself. Slowly, his eyes adjusted. Looking down at him, he saw it. The wide, green eyes of the Space Alien that grabbed him, framed by that same hideous, speckled face. Jean knew the moment of truth was upon him.

To be continued...

Friday, June 15, 2007

24

It's a good show, if you like that sort of thing. They use their gimmick well, and it works. Anyway, the main inspiration behind this post is the cultural phenomenon that main character Jack Bauer's body count has become. It's inspired contests, numerous jokes (SPOILERS, also, some are recycled Chuck Norris jokes), facebook groups, and even a detailed account of every kill he's made in each season! (Also spoilers, duh).


Anyway, for a while there, I never really got it. I'd seen season 1 on DVD, and was rightfully impressed...they took what could have been terrible and gimmicky and turned out a really well written show. It didn't really seem excessively violent, if you looked at it as a full season of a government agent/cop show, and it wasn't especially. Jack's body count from season 1 was 10. Not very high for a main character in such a show.

Then I started watching season 2, and it all made sense. Compared to season 1 Jack, season 2 Jack is CRAZY! His body count triples in season 2. I've got to say, the jokes now seem completely deserved. Oh, and just for statistics sake, the highest body count occurred in season 4, with 44 dead at Bauer's hands. I'll probably see 3-6 eventually, because 1 was great, and 2, though scatterbrained, has been good, so don't ruin 'em for me!

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Sorry Everybody,

I realize that I haven't posted anything in nearly two weeks, which is completely contrary to the plan. I haven't even given you any of that nothing that I'd promised. Anywhom, I've been trying to find a job, and it's slow going. But that's not a very good excuse. Anyway, I've got nothing, so Haiku:

Six strings, twenty frets,
and some five clumsy fingers
make sweet melodies.

Friday, June 01, 2007

This Just In!



















Leftover grilled chicken avocado sandwich! Hooray! Also, Meagan still wants a puppy.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Jason Mraz

Over the last few years, I've been to a smattering of concerts and heard my fair share of live recordings, but I think Mraz is easily the best live performer I've ever seen. Not only does he write interesting songs that are either incredibly beautiful or make you want to get up and dance, he's also got quite the voice. If you like this one, check out some of the other videos from the same performance.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Okay

"Or do you want a coffee?" He straightens, ready to leap up again. "I can have them sent in."
"Uh," I say, unsure as to whether it's a good business move to ask your potential employer to fetch for you. I decide to go with my thirst. "Okay."
Gary stops. "Scat, if you're going to work for Coca-Cola, you will never use that word again."
"What word? 'Okay'?"
"Okay is the most widely known word in the English language. Number two is Coke. We're trying for top spot. Get it?"


This exchange that I just read takes place on page 139 of Max(x) Barry's novel Syrup. I actually put down the book mid paragraph for this...for those who know my reading habits well (and it occurs to me that may be nobody) I don't really like to do that, ever. What baffles me is this: If okay is the most widely know word in the English language, why does the Firefox spell check give it the squiggly red underline of you're-wrongness? Frankly, it's starting to bother me, as I use the word quite often.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Evanescence: Now Officially Amy Lee Show

As announced last week on their website, guitarist John LeCompt and drummer Rocky Gray are no longer with Evanescence. The reason is not really clear; the official statement from the band is that they were "ready to move on," though LeCompt claims he was "fired for no good reason," and that Gray quit over the events. Apparently, they have a new band now. We'll see how that goes. The two were replaced with the guitarist and drummer from Dark New Day, a band that's been around for a while, but found little in the way of commercial success. Anywhom, this means that Evanescence now consists of all of one original member. Amy Lee is all that is left of the group that recorded Fallen in 2003, and while LeCompt had one writing credit on The Open Door, and sang the male vocal part of Bring Me to Life in concert, I imagine very little will change practically with the band, as this confirms what their critics have been saying from the beginning: Evanescence is Amy Lee.

Monday, May 21, 2007

A Brief Rumination

If you're going to run a marathon, starting from whatever, start from scratch, start from the occasional sprint after an ice cream truck, start from a 15 flat 5K and nothing longer, it's really irrelevant, you've got to start running more. Run more often, and run farther. So, looking ahead, I'm going to write more often. I'll put it at a goal of two posts a week here, for starters. Be forewarned, I'm probably going to write about a lot of nothing, and a lot of that nothing is going to suck. Sorry. Of course, the last time I set a goal like that, school and work ganged up on me, and I didn't run at all for months. So we'll see, but let's call this a beginning, and hope and pray that the middle and end are much more interesting than foreseen.

On your mark, set...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Reading Update


I finished The Great Train Robbery the other day. I'd had it on hold for quite a long time, and was glad to finally get through it. Michael Crichton's 1975 novel follows a master criminal over the course of, well, a great train robbery. I found the book to be kind of a slow started, but once I got going on it, I finished it quickly. Overall, I found the story rather entertaining, and would recommend it to anyone who enjoys a good caper every now and again. Anyway, next is Syrup, by Max(x) Barry.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Foo Fighters

I kinda forgot all about them after One by One, but seeing as how I've consistently enjoyed their music, the other day I went and picked up 2005's In Your Honor, and I'm really enjoying it. It's a 2-disc album, the first CD being the hard rocking Foo Fighters stuff that usually ends up on the radio, and the second being their lesser known side, soft acoustic music. Both discs seem pretty enjoyable. I haven't listened to it enough to pick favorites yet, so I can't really give you much insight as far as that goes, but some early standouts for me include No Way Back and The Deepest Blues are Black on the first disc, and Virginia Moon on the second. Anywhom, if you like the Foo Fighters, and for some reason haven't heard this CD, it's worth a listen.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Semester Over

Summer = Very Yes!

Goals:
Hawaii
Read 5 Books
More Guitar
Watch Baseball
Don't Stress

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Walking

Today, on my way to take my final, I noticed that I was walking in rhythm with my mp3 player. Then, I realized something horrible. My right foot hit the ground on beat two, my left foot hit the ground on beat 3...crap. I didn't shuffle step, but I wanted to. I actually stopped, and started walking again, with the appropriate foot on the appropriate beat. Damn you, marching band.

Monday, May 07, 2007

R.O.P.D.R.P.W. Episode X: Where the Wind Comes Sweeping Down the Plain



















This episode explores the special relationship Oklahomans have with tornadoes, and the the fact that nobody else gets it. It also explores the fact that I can't spell "tornadoes".

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Attention!

Now here this:

Oats & Honey granola bars are good. Dipped in coffee, they're really really good!

That is all!










-I'm Joey, I'm Disgusting

Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Welcome to My World

I was listening to the news on NPR earlier today, and they were interviewing people in a French town about the candidates in their upcoming presidential election. The French political system on the national level is my favorite. I wish our system was more like theirs, but even with a good system, there will always be complaining in politics. There will never be a case where absolutely everyone is happy. One man had a priceless comment. It was something to the effect of "In this election it won't be about voting for the candidate you like the best, but voting for the one you hate the least."


Welcome to my world, Frenchy.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Now they want us to spy on eachother.

Date: Fri, 20 Apr 2007 15:53:15 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Important Message from President Boren
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

To: All Students

Dear OU Students,

In light of the tragic events that occurred this week at Virginia Tech, I have been reviewing our emergency response plans to ensure that our system is current and effective. Knowing about potentially dangerous behavior is critical to our being able to assess if a threat may be present.

As a student on campus you are in a unique position to notice any unusual or concerning behavior that may pose a threat. Certainly, if you observe any behavior that may constitute a current or imminent threat, immediately contact the University of Oklahoma Police Department
by calling 911.

If you observe unusual behavior that concern you, but does not rise to the level of contacting the police, please discuss your concerns at the earliest possible time with the Vice President for Student Affairs, Clarke Stroud, or the Associate Vice President for Student Affairs, Susan Sasso. Both can be reached by calling 325-3161. Any information provided will be appropriately reviewed and a report and recommendation on the matter will be made to me. Please be assured that all information will be handled with the utmost sensitivity and discretion and with all due regard for constitutional and legal safeguards.

We appreciate your continued help and support.

Sincerely,

David Boren
How do you like that? I'm not saying we're on 1984's doorstep, and I'm glad they made specific mention of constitutional and legal safeguards. I am saying that the last thing we need right now is to create an environment of fear and suspicion. If every guy walking down the south oval carrying an umbrella warrants a lockdown, and if you don't recognize somebody's yoga mat for what it is, you're supposed to call student affairs, we're going to have a campus full of unnecessarily scared people wasting the university's time. I supposed only time will tell, but I really, really hope this all just blows over.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

I'm not going to editorialize

I'm somewhat curious what you think.

Those of you who attend OU have already seen this, but here it is anyway.
From my e-mail today:

Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 09:55:13 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Security Alert
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

TO: Students, Faculty, and Staff

Students, faculty and staff should stay in their buildings or dorms until further notice.

Then:

Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 10:25:10 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Security Update
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

TO: All Students, Faculty, and Staff

The OU Police Department has made a saturated search of the area where a person carrying a suspicious object was spotted. No person with a weapon has been found. It is now believed that the person was possibly carrying a yoga mat which was mistaken for a weapon.. We should therefore proceed with the normal schedule. The individual carrying the items was described as a caucasian male of student age partially balding or with short hair and wearing a yellow shirt. If such a person is seen carrying a suspicious object it should be reported to the OU Police Department at 1911 or 325-1717 or blue phones should be used. If anyone feels that he may have been the person who was seen and was thought to be carrying a weapon that person should also call the OU Police Department to reassure the community.

Thank you for your cooperation

David L. Boren
President

And finally:

Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:10:27 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Security Update
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

TO: All Students, Faculty, and Staff

The person apparently seen by the student making the earlier report has self-identified himself. He was carrying an umbrella and not a weapon. We appreciate his action in identifying himself. We now consider the matter closed. I appreciate the cooperation from the university community on this matter. We always want to err on the side of caution in a situation like this.

Sincerely,
David L. Boren
President

Well, there you have it. Okay, I lied; I have to say something. "Self-identified himself"?! Just because the school's concerned about security doesn't mean they should stop proofreading. Ye gods, that's horrendous. Anyway, thoughts?

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Wow!

We have a chance to make sure our state quarter is not dumb, like Montana's, where cows go to die, apparently.

Instead of just picking one himself, Governor Henry is putting it to a vote between five final designs (none of which are as bad as Montana's). You can vote online here, or do it by mail.

-I'm Joey, I'm disgusting

Thursday, April 12, 2007

I'm Joey I'm Disgusting

HAXORD! THIS BLOG HAS JUST BEEN HACKED! YOUR IDENTITY IS NO LONGER SAFE. I KNOW WHERE YOU SLEEP! I KNOW WHEN YOU BREATH. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

History Without War: The American Experience

As some of you may know, Starbucks has been putting quotes and sayings on their cups lately in what is known as the "The Way I See It" program. One of the recent quotes to appear on an 8 oz. cup was this little incoherant beauty, #167: "History without war - a good plan for the future." -- Nancy Wilson; Member of Heart. I'm not going to gripe about the fact that it's not a complete sentence...I mean, what would you expect from a musician whose most famous line is "Ooooh, Baracuda?" No, this particular one sparked some interesting speculation. Matt and I wondered...what would history be like without war? From the perspective of a history major, things get a little ridiculous. Without further ado, I present:

History Without War: The American Experience

One day, the British Parliament raised taxes in the American colonies. The Continental Congress had them over for tea. They all decided that it would be a great idea if the colonies would make treaties with the French and govern themselves.

In the early 19th century, British and French navies were impressing American sailors, and the British were hoping they might get their colonies back. The Americans decided they could do without the sailors, as long as the British would give them a fireworks show over Baltimore Harbor so a lawyer could write a patriotic poem to the tune of an Irish drinking song. Andrew Jackson didn't get the memo, and spent the whole time trapsing around the Louisiana bayou with a bunch of pirates.

In the 1840s, some white guys decided to settle on Mexican land in Texas without permission, and of course the Mexicans were okay with the fact that they wanted to be part of the United States. In fact, they were so happy about it, that they decided to throw in California, Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico for no reason whatsoever!

When anti-slavery candidate Abraham Lincoln was elected president, 11 southern states decided they'd had enough of northern agression, and seceeded from the United States. When the Union states heard about it, they immediately mobilized a large force and spent the next four years lining up with guns and rationally debating the constitutionality of secession. In 1863, they debated the emancipation of the slaves too. In the end, the South decided to abandon their most precious institution and rejoin the US because the Union's arguements were so compelling.

About 30 years later, Theodore Roosevelt put on a silly hat and rode his horse around the Caribbean. Meanwhile, a bunch of American ships dropped anchor in the Phillipeans. The Spanish were too busy eating paella and drinking chocolate to care, and the American empire was born.

In the 1910s, the British, French, Germans, Italians, and Austro-Hungarians decided to spend a few years sitting in mud puddles. The Americans decided to join them, but they weren't wimpy and European enough, and the party broke up pretty quickly afterwords. For some reason, the Germans and French had a big spat about the bill for the croissants, and they both ended up poor and angry.

After that arguement, a young German artist named Adolf Hitler rose to power. He decided to kill all the Jews, but then he changed his mind, and went back to art school. The Japanese empire was going to try taking over the entire Pacific, but they got one look at Hitler's paintings and decided they couldn't go on.

In the '50s, the Koreans couldn't decide whether it would better to be communist or capitalist, so the US and the Chinese came over and they had a pie-eating contest to decide the winner. It was a tie, so they drew a line down the middle of the country and decided to stare across it at eachother for the next 50 years.

The Vietnamese communists challenged the capitalists to a game of hide and seek in the jungle. They were just too good at hiding, and nobody could find them. Then they went home in their helicopters.

After the hide-and-seek catastrophe, people wondered if the US would ever win another game of hide and seek...but more on hide and seek later. In 1991, Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein invaded Kuwait. The US mobilized a large force. The tanks rolled up to the border, and were poised to roll across and violently crush the Iraqis in a storm of explosions and blood and death. But Saddam had recently been playing Risk 2210. He whipped out a card and said "Ha ha ha!!! George Bush!!! I have CEASEFIRE CARD!! You cannot attack me!" And he had to wait for his next turn to attack.

So, back to hide and seek. We found some Afghanis. Hooray!

When the US got their next turn, they went after Iraq again. Saddam considered fighting back, but decided that a better defence would be to make the US run the country themselves. Then he was hanged...for no reason at all.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

I've Had an Epiphany

You people make me sick.

That's right, you all, the meat-eaters of the world, make me want to regurgitate my innards all over your tainted kitchen tables. I've made the solemn vow before nature and evolution and Sacred Cows to never consume the flesh of a poor innocent creature again, for every bite of their blood-soaked tissue is another drop of my soul that seeps out of the pours of my humanity, into the choking morass of cold immorality. I will fight for the rights of defenseless creatures that have no way to fight the wicked humans that chop them up into tiny bits, as every cell screams out in the agony of a thousand burning villagers. We must stand where a hamburger cannot stand, shout where the ham and cheese sandwich cannot shout, rise up for all the chicken wings that could never rise up!

Vegetarianism is not enough! Vegans across the world is the only way the precious animals will ever get their due, and have the wrongs done them righted. Every day across the world, atrocities are being committed sooner than we eat out breakfast. Thousands of aborted chickens are consumed without a second thought, other than this egg is tasty. BARBARIANS! How would you feel if those were your embryos!? You certainly wouldn't fry them up in a deplorable pan mired with diced veggies and morally reprehensible cheese. That deplorable concoction poisons everything from perfectly reasonable pasta and nutritious broccoli to the hated hamburger and senseless chili con carne. People take the purest food lovingly made for young animals by their mothers and ruin it with insidious enzymes and belligerent bacteria. But don't think for a second that you're in the clear if you leave that milk untouched. Homoginization is a sin, and there are starving calves in Africa. Every time you pour an ounce of milk, God kills a kitten. You don't want to kill kittens, do you?

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

While studying....

...I just read from my notes:

"Romans stormed the wall of dead guys, succeed, Nervii surrender"

There is no way your major is better than mine.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Concerts!


It's been about a year since I've been to a concert (Milwaukee doesn't count, we were there for like 30 minutes)... and in the next week, I'll be going to two! Hooray! Flogging Molly tomorrow, Evanescence and Chevelle in a week! Yay!











Thursday, March 08, 2007

EEEEEEEEEE!

300 comes out tomorrow, and I'm way pumped...you should be too!













And, just in case you're interested, here's a little background...um, also, SPOILER ALERT I guess...

Monday, February 26, 2007

Grumbledy-gook!

Well, as somebody already mentioned, blogger's all new featury and stuff...well, I got force-upgraded too. Oh well, life, as well as this blog, goes on. Yes. Behold, labels:

Friday, February 16, 2007

Because March will be a month of concerts...

...and because Keane is awesome.
And I'll likely never get to see them in concert. Oh well. Anyway, Keane - Hamburg Song (live)

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Stream of Conciousness sort of update post. yeah, that's right, screw the capitalization at the end of this title.

It occurred to me earlier today, there are only two conditions that really ever get me down about the weather: blinding wind, and blistering heat.

Further evidence that I'm living in the wrong state.

Anyway, so, this wind stuff is kinda bumming me out, but it's not too bad when I'm wearing my big coat. Hooray for that.



My girlscout cookies arrived today! To my pleasant surprise, I bought two boxen of thin mints, so they will last more than a week. I'm on a real chocolate kick lately. I'm tearing through my most recent bag of Hershey kisses. Thank God for my ancestry, elsewise I'd be quite the fatty.

Rumor at work is that we might be extending our hours to 8:00 pm in a few weeks. I am not amused. This requires further inquiry and reconnaissance. Big French word!

My processor should be faster so that I can run Medieval: Total War 2. Either that, or my graphics card should be older so I can run Medieval: Total War the original. Stupid technology.

Also, for the time being, I'm not broke anymore. Hooray also for that.

Thursday, February 08, 2007

R.O.P.D.R.P.W. Episode IX: Cause and Effects

Yes, that's right, the first ever multi-panel R.O.P.D.R.P.W. Enjoy the tasty goodness.



















Imagine, if you will, that you spent all night awake, webcomicking. (Yes, that's a verb now. Make it so.) What might happen? Let's explore the possibilities.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

I Hate That Damn Machismo...

Forgive me while I wax nostalgic, but this song popped into my head on the way home, and whatcha know, the video's on youtube!

Monday, January 29, 2007

I may be wrong...

...but I think I might have seen the ugliest woman in the world while I was at work today. Ewww.


You know, in case you were wondering whether or not I had. Which would be odd. Over and out.

Friday, January 26, 2007

I know everybody hates when I review movies...

...so I'll try to keep this short. Call it more of an elaborate recommendation, if you'd like.

Tonight my love affair with movies based around layered realities, where things are not what they seem on the surface continued with "Stranger than Fiction," a movie about a man who suddenly finds his mundane life being narrated. While he's the only one that can hear the narration, he refuses to believe he's insane, and makes efforts to figure out what's going on. Things soon take an interesting turn when the narrator makes a disturbing comment.



The cast of this movie did quite well. It stars Will Ferrell in a mostly serious role, which he more or less nails. Dustin Hoffman, Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Emma Thompson costar, all with solid performances.

"Stranger than Fiction" could be described as a dark comedy, a romance, a fantasy, or a drama. I'd say that it's a little bit of everything rolled into one, but at any rate, it certainly encourages critical thinking, especially on the subject of what doing the right thing really means. At the very least, it is a lovely look inside the mind of a man who is learning how to find his way in life. So, um....yeah. Watch it.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

It is Sunday afternoon.

I am sitting on my couch.
















I am watching the NFC Championship.

















I am NOT at work...
















...and it's a Sunday afternoon.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

I Remember Now

Running is kind of a painful endeavor. I went out and ran for the first time in quite a long while this afternoon. I didn't even make it two miles, and was going pretty slow. I was, however, able to get into a rhythm after a little while though, and I'm enthusiastic about making this a routine. If I can get through the freezing weather this weekend and time crunch at the beginning of the semester, I should be in good shape. So do me a favor, harass me about running some time in the next few weeks.

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Hello again, internetters...

I'm back from Arizona as of last thursday. The trip was pretty much awesome...I ate really well, had some fun, did not spend the majority of New Year's Eve on a bus, and got to watch the best football game I've ever witnessed firsthand...too bad about that final score though. Crap, that sucked. But! The rest was good. Yay!

Let's see, food:

PF Chang's: Chinese Chain...pretty good.

Frank & Lupe's: Mexican food, not the typical sort you get around here, very tasty, quite affordable. We sat in a cool little patio area.

Main St. Thai (or something like that): Thai! Unexpected and delicious. Half the people there had not had Thai before, so it was fun watching people discover the greatness...pad thai and green curry were particularly wonderful. It also had an amazing atmosphere, with nice lighting, a fireplace, and even a unisex bathroom.

Pink Taco: Mexican food...um, yeah. Did I mention I like puns?

Z Tejas: Drinks on New Year's. It was very crowded.

Bangkok Pepper (or something like that): another Thai place...this time in El Paso on the way back. It was also delicious. Yay Thai food.

Here's a random thought...the other day I confused Derrick Straight with George Strait. How great is that?