R.O.P.D.R.P.W. Episode IV: Darth IHOP

This one is based off of something Sean said the other night. It doesn't seem anywhere as good as the others, but what the hell? I have fun with it. In fact, I enjoy it enought that I may start doing it more often, if I can get enough good ideas going anyway. Beware, internet...

Excuses for Inebriation

We all know how much I love drinking games, and since I love you people so much, I thought I'd share some of my favorites.

Egyptian Rat Screw with Vodka
Just like regular ERS, except whenever you have to slap a card, you take a shot of vodka. Also, whenever you pick up a card, you have to take a shot of vodka, and whenever you don't
pick up a card, you have to take a shot of vodka. So pretty much, everyone's plastered in mere moments, so it's obviously a good drinking game. Add Orange Juice for "Egyptian Rat Screwdriver."

Gin Rummy
Just like the game we know and love, except with actual gin! Every time you put down a set
of cards, take a shot of gin. Also, every time you discard, take another shot of gin. Everyone's basically smashed by the time you go through a few turns, so obviously, it's another good drinking game. Add a little tonic water for "Gin and Tonic Rummy."

Monopoly with Tequila
It's everyone's favorite 3 hour game with a Latin flavah, if you know what I mean. Every time you buy property or pay somebody rent, you take a shot of tequila. Likely, you'll be capernoited once you've passed go, and collected $200, so it's a pretty good drinking game. If you pass out, the person you payed the last rent to gets all your money. Victory either goes to the winner as per the normal Monopoly rules, or the last conscious player. Add lime juice for "Margaritopoly."

Halo 2 and Rum
This one requires XBOX live. Get on "vivo" and pay attention in the pre- and postgame lobbies. Anytime somebody says "noob," "pwn," "look at all my kills," "I'm gonna own you," or (here's the kicker) "fucking," take a shot of rum. Chances are, you and your party members will be ferschnickered before the match starts, so it's really drinking pre-game, but still a good drinking game. Add some coca-cola for "Master Chief Petty Officer and Coke."

Well, there you go. I hope all you crazy drunks enjoy drinking yourselves into a stupor. Of course, you can substitute your favorite libations for the ones I've included, but then you lose the punny alternate titles. Substitute at your own risk, and at the risk of your amusement.

I know nobody cares...

...but at least somebody agrees with me on this. I give you an exerpt from this week's Tuesday Morning Quarterback, my favorite internet column:

Warning, serious digression: Even as a churchgoer, what gets me through the day is the belief that most things do not happen for a reason. God may be watching from afar, but tragedies past and present seem inexplicable unless most accidents, violence, sickness and other traumas are simply flaws of existence, lacking direction or larger purpose. If what goes wrong lacks purpose, then perhaps humanity may find ways to remove accidents, violence and sickness from life. Thus the idea that most things do not happen for a reason is, to me, a life-affirming thought. Digression ends.


Maybe I could have said it better myself, but since Gregg Easterbrook is a professional writer, I'll assume not.