I finally deciphered the mystery...

...of obscurly named rock and roll sub-genres. Yep, it's a little like that whole fountain of youth/ golden cities of cibola thing those 15th century guys in the ships were after, except a little more 21st century suburbanite.

The first thing you need to remember is that it's all as subjective as hell. That's right: conventional rules, goodbye! Adios, Ingles! Puedes usar mas o menos qualquier nombre que deseas. Oh, lo siento... anyway, the name itself isn't all that important. The most important thing to remember when naming obscure rock and roll subgenres is to speak with authority. You must project confidence. Nay, what's more, you must go beyond confident, straight to aloof and superior. If you act like you're better than everyone, people who don't know about your obscure rock and roll subgenre (which is just about everybody) will assume you're better educated, more knowledgeable, privy to some trivia they're just unaware of. Now, we'll go step by step in obscure subgenre classification.

Step One: Select a broad, accepted rock and roll subgenre. Some of these include alternative (quite vague), punk (think angry kids with ugly hair), pop (if it's not punk, and middle school girls like it, it probably goes here), and soft rock (let's get mellow and sappy!), but you're by no means limited to these. For our purposes, we'll take the ever-present sub-genre punk.

Step Two: Here, we get a little more creative. We need to narrow our sub-genre down a little. This is best done with either a time period or a cultural movement, or very often both, for instance, grunge, 80's, emo, disco, or something of the like. I find this most effective when using the prefixes pre- and post-. It sounds better if we say when it wasn't, not when it was. For our example, let's go for pre-emo. Okay, so far, we have Pre-emo punk.

Step Three: This is where we conclude our absurd exercise, and have the most fun. Be warned, though, this is the part that makes the least sense. Take pretty much any noun, verb, or adjective, and add the suffix -core. For instance, cheesecore, jumpcore, sneezycore, or hey, suffixcore. Let's use something simple though, something like sheepcore. Here we go:

Pre-emo Sheepcore Punk

There we have it; we've created our own obscure rock and roll subgenre. What does it sound like? I don't know! But neither does anyone else, and that's the main thing. Go forth my young friends, and use your powers for good, not evil.