Tragedy and the Inexplicably Offensive

I ran across something odd the other day when I was wikipediaing (if we can google, can we wikipedia? It's such an awkward verb, isn't it? something for the linguists in the audience to ponder).

Think back to the week following September 12, 2001. The country was in mourning, and transportation and economy had ground to a halt, thanks to a combination of fear and shock. Most of us were getting back in the swing of things, but the attacks had touched all aspects of life, even pop culture. Not only did we have to endure countless country tribute songs, and ditties about killing Osama, we had to deal with controversy and censorship. There was a techno-pop band named "I am the World Trade Center" who suddenly started getting bad reviews, and were forced to shorten the moniker to "I am the World". Hard rockers "Anthrax" refused to change their name, though apparently one member joked that he was stocking up on Cipro to "avoid an ironic death." And perhaps most strangely, a memo ciruculated the stations of radio giant Clear Channel with a list of songs that were "lyrically questionable," and were suggested not to be played.

A look at the list shows over 150 songs, many of which make sense, though I'm not a fan of censorship. I could see why people might find them offensive or unsettling. There are songs that reference plane crashes (such as AC/DC's "Shot Down in Flames", and Alanis Morissettte's "Ironic"), songs about suicide (Filter's "Hey Man, Nice Shot", Ozzy Osbourne's "Suicide Solution", System of a Down's "Chop Suey", Third Eye Blind's "Jumper"), songs with violent lyrics (AC/DC's "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap, Alien Ant Farm's "Smooth Criminal", though curiously, not the original by Michael Jackson, Bobby Darin's "Mack the Knife", Limp Bizkit's "Break Stuff", Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust", Saliva's "Click Click Boom") and songs about death, either directly or indirectly (Buddy Holly and the Crickets' "That'll be the Day", Bob Dylan's "Knockin' on Heavan's Door", and the Guns and Roses cover, Norman Greenbaum's "Spirit in the Sky", Billy Joel's "Only the Good Die Young", Kansas's "Dust in the Wind", Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven", J Frank Wilson's "Last Kiss"). Then there are the ones that have little or no offensive content, but somehow reference flying or planes (Foo Fighters' "Learn to Fly", Lenny Kravits's "Fly Away", Sugar Ray's "Fly", Peter, Paul and Mary's "Leaving on a Jet Plane, Elton John's "Benny and the Jets", Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Aeroplane"), and songs that reference New York (AC/DC's "Safe in New York City", The Ad Libs "The Boy from New York City", Frank Sinatra's "New York, New York", which was apparently one New York station's most requested songs that week). Then, there are some songs that seem to be there for no reason other than that they have revolutionary lyrics (Beastie Boys' "Sabotage", Black Sabbath's "War Pigs", The Clash's "Rock the Casbah", Jimi Hendrix's "Hey Joe", John Lennon's "Imagine", Don McLean's "American Pie", Nena's "99 Luftballons", Peter Paul and Mary's "Blowin' in the Wind", U2's "Sunday Bloody Sunday".

Then, we move into the realm of the ridiculous. First, there are the songs with the mistaken lyrics (Drowning Pool's "Bodies", which is about mosh pits, The Beatles' "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", which is about drugs, Boston's "Smokin'", which is also about drugs, The Gap Band's "You Dropped a Bomb on Me", which is about a girl, Jerry Lee Lewis's "Great Balls of Fire", which is about also about a girl). Then, there are songs which I can't figure out why they're there at all (Louis Armstrong's "What a Wonderful World", because positive thinking is bad, I guess, The Bangles' "Walk Like an Egyptian", because Egypt is a Muslim country I guess, The Beatles' "Ticket to Ride", because the ticket might be for a plane, maybe, Neil Diamond's "America", because we wouldn't want to sing about how awesome America is, Ricky Nelson's "Travelin' Man", because I heard the hijackers were all man whores, Steam's "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss him Goodbye", because I'm thinking they watched that funeral scene from Remember the Titans a few too many times).

My personal favorite, though is "All songs by Rage Against the Machine". I mean, yeah, it's Rage, but that's just ridiculous. Thankfully, this didn't last long, and was not manditory. I just found it interesting.

I dedicate this post to Tom Morello's distortion pedal, and all of its warbly noises that were temporarily not banned.

Discrimination? Coincidence? Habanero- flavored Tortilla Chips?

The door to the room slowly opens with a low squeak. A svelte young man pokes his head in, then steps through the crack. He glances around at the sparse, ill-attended furnishings, cuts a tiny swath through the accumulated layers of dust on the table with his index finger. He rubs it, pensively, with his finger for a brief moment, pulls the nearest chair out, and quickly sits.

Right then.

Sorry about that. It seems I pulled a... you guys. Hopefully that won't happen again, at least not for a little while.

Anyway, this morning as I was checking my email I popped in my DVD of The Office (Season 3), and took in an episode, the one with the Christmas party, where Michael, Dwight, Jim, and Andy all go to Benihana for lunch. For those of you unfamiliar (which should be nobody, since, as far as I know, everybody who might read this watches The Office) Benihana is one of those teppanyaki places, where they grill Japanese food on the table in front of you. To the point though, in the episode, all the servers and cooks are Asian. Michael refers to it as "Asian Hooters". All this general silliness brings me to think about such places, where they seem to hire staff based on a physical trait. We don't have a Benihana here in Norman, but we do have T.E.A. cafe, where all the employees (save one, that I've seen) are Asian. I've always wondered the reason behind this... whether it was on purpose, or if they just happened to have attracted this ethnicity, due to the beginnings of the place. For example, maybe it started as a family business, with an Asian family running the place, and when people considered applying, they took the ethnically homogeneous staff into consideration. The fact that they do have at least one non-Asian employee there leads me to believe that the latter is probably true; through the connections and relations of the original staff, the cultural bent of the business, and the perceptions of prospective applicants, they just happen to have acquired a staff without much diversity.

Another common instance of this trend can be seen, around here at least, in Mexican restaurants. In most of the locally owned Mexican restaurants, the entire staff is Latino. These cases, though, are fairly easily explainable by the language barrier. In most of these restaurants, the business in the kitchen is conducted almost entirely in Spanish. Therefore, it is reasonable to expect them to hire employees who speak it, and could easily blend into the work environment.

Then, there are cases where there's an unspoken standard of beauty that the companies seem to uphold. Is it really a coincidence that all the servers at some restaurants and bars are physically attractive young women? On the record, the businesses probably tell you that, but I doubt it. Do mall clothing stores only get applications from young, white, pretty people? Almost surely not... Abercrombie and Fitch, in particular, has taken flack in the media for their shady hiring practices, and it surprise me if they were the only ones holding their stores up to similar unethical standards. It's unfair, sure, but does it matter?

Ultimately, we have to decide as a society, if we care. Personally, it doesn't bother me that Asians are serving me Asian food, and Latinos are serving me Mexican food. T.E.A. Cafe, at least, can prove that a non-Asian can get a job there, and language concerns such as exist at many locally-owned Mexican restaurants are, ultimately, legitimate job-screening tools. Sure, an ACLU lawyer could probably get some Gringo hired at Tarahumara's if they felt slighted enough, but it would probably only make problems for the efficiency of their business. Cases where people are hired only for their looks, though, are different. The companies here are violating the essential meritocratic principals that are central to the American ideal, that with enough will power, determination, and skill, anyone can get ahead in life. While it's true that the world doesn't operate on idealistic principals, to so blatantly reject them is reprehensible, and worthy of all the disgust the practice incites.

Thanks Rodknee!

20

Election 2008, Impressions (part 1)

This post was supposed to outline my impressions of the current presidential candidates. As I began reading and writing, though, I realized that these impressions were inherently tied to my views on the "hot button" issues. It quickly became apparent that I'd have much more explaining to do than I originally intended, so, I've decided to write this one in a few separate parts. Part one here covers my opinions on some of the big issues this election year. I haven't covered every little thing, and I'd be happy to respond to inquiries about other issues. So, here it is, the post to inform my readership (which, by my estimates, fluctuates from around 2-5) of my opinions on some issues, because I feel it's necessary if I'm going to discuss my opinions on the current crop of candidates. Also, because I like talking politics. Now, with that tripe out of the way, on to the post proper:

Here are my basic stances on a few key campaign issues:

• I am against national healthcare. Yes, our current system is broken, but putting it in the hands of the government is not the way to fix it. That will only break it in new, different ways.
• The war in Iraq is wrong. We went there under false pretenses, and threw a relatively stable country into chaos. Yes, Saddam was an evil man and deserved to be dealt with, but not by us. Now, we are stuck maintaining an occupation that's costing billions of dollars that could be spent on a worthy cause at home, while we watch as some thousands of our finest men and women, who could be working to ensure the security of our nation, are killed propping up a weak government. We've lost sight of our true, direct enemy, Al Qaeda who attacked us on our own soil, and still considers themselves to be in a state of war with all Americans, military and civilian. Meanwhile, we anger less extreme Muslims and bolster our enemy's cause with our unjust war. All that said, we cannot abandon Iraq just yet. We need to work DIPLOMATICALLY with the disputing IRAQI parties, and broker some sort of consensus, where they can govern and police the country themselves. Then, we can pull the troops out.
• Yes, we have a problem with illegal immigration. Does it bother me? Not a whole lot. People want to come here because, despite its myriad problems, this is the freest country in the world. Rather than simply step up enforcement to try keeping people out, we should make it easier for those who want to come here and contribute to our economy to get here legally. Also, people who are here on some sort of work or study visa, and desire to stay longer should be able to, but if they desire to stay, they should have to become citizens, with all the rights and responsibilities that entails. This issue is very simple, really. Those who want to live here permanently should become citizens. If they do not, they need to extend their visa or go back home. None of this hanging around, undocumented business. As for the illegal immigrants already here, I favor blanket amnesty on a track to citizenship. If they do not want citizenship, they should obtain some sort of documentation or face deportation. This is unpopular with many people, because it rewards illegal behavior. I suppose it does. But it also provides a pragmatic solution to a problem that's not going away. This would be a one time thing, and before it took place, enforcement would have to be ramped up. Once the amnesty program was complete, nothing like it should be needed again, unless the situation drastically changed.
  
• I'm pro-choice, anti-abortion. I think unless the health of the mother is at risk, it's always a better decision to carry a baby to be born, and if you don't want a child, give it up for adoption. At the same time, I know it's not my place to make decisions for pregnant women. It may be an ugly practice, but it's not the government's place to say whether or not it can be done. That's between the woman in question, her doctor, and her God.
• Our tax system is inherently broken. It is complicated and unfair. Depending on your particular occupation and level of income, your money may be taxed five times before it leaves your hands. For a long time, I've favored a flat tax, with breaks built in for charitable donations. Then again, income tax was unconstitutional in this country until 1913, with the passage of the 16th Amendment. I read somewhere that without income taxes, the government's budget would only be cut down to the size of that in the late 90's. While I don't see this as entirely practical, it's clear that our tax system needs to be scrapped completely, not tweaked.
  
• The rampant deficit spending out country has been up to since 2001 needs to end, now. In order to stop our currency and our economic standing with the rest of the world from plummeting, we need to get away from the constant meddling with the money supply and balance the budget. Congress needs to wrest control of the dollar from the federal reserve (as is its constitutional responsibility), and stop creating larger bureaucratic structures for and throwing money at every problem that comes along. Though the current system is entrenched in the minds of most people as the only way, Congress has the power to change it. Unfortunately, it will never happen without a push from the American people.

Again, this is far from comprehensive. Part two should come tomorrow; it'll be about the Democrats.

On Quadrennial Observances

I've decided that I love events that occur every four years. This has come to my attention in light of the recent political goings-on. I love election season, despite the unsavory qualities it tends to bring out in some; the primaries, I think, are particularly exciting. There's so much possibility before we're confined to the lesser of two evils.

Ah, yes, the lesser of two evils... the eternal plague of what has become of the American political system. George Washington knew his stuff. All that business about staying out of foreign wars and avoiding partisan politics made a lot of sense to me. Trouble is, nobody listened...but anyway, that's neither here nor there. What I'm trying to say here is that such a rigid two party system is bad for the country. It encourages division and polarization, and tyranny of the majority, when such a thing exists. It's even more frustrating for an independent like me, whose views line up with neither of the major parties' platforms. The last presidential election, my first, was particularly depressing. Knowing what I know of recent American political history (which is probably not enough, but certainly a cursory knowledge), you'd have to go back to 1976 to find another presidential election with no major candidate that I could be satisfied voting for. Every four years, from nine before I came onto this earth to the time when I actually had the opportunity to vote, there was, in my opinion at least, a palatable major candidate for president. I voted, of course...there was no way I would skip my first presidential election. But it felt flat, empty. But, again, this current election brings new hope... hope that a decent candidate will emerge from the two-faced buffoons... hope that will probably be dashed like so many plates at a big, fat, Greek wedding. (Worst Simile Ever? I think it's possible.)

This reminds me of the World Cup. Most of the time, like most other Americans, I show almost no interest in association football. Every four years come summer, though, I'm a pretty big soccer fan. It's hard to pry me away from the World Cup, and every time I watch it, I hope it will be the United States' year. Every year, we disappoint. At least six years ago, in Japan/S. Korea, we made a run in the elimination round. Seems every time the cup's played in Europe, we don't even get out of group play. Qualifying for the 2010 cup (which will be in South Africa) will take place over the next two years in the form of the CONCACAF qualifying tournament. The top three teams will go to S. Africa.

I have a similar rabid enthusiasm for the Olympics (the winter ones, more so than the summer, but I love those too), though they're usually much less disappointing. There's always some sort of American success story at the Olympics, and whether or not we do well, the Olympic hockey tournament is always up for some great watching.

So, yeah. Quadrennial stuff...gotta love it. In-depth-ish presidential election post forthcoming. Hasta luego, internets.

It's BAAAAAAACK!

Smooth, and Intriguing.

Vanilla Coke.

Two Questions

Okay, I've got two questions.

First, what's up with that ODOT "test sign" on 235 south near the capitol? What are they testing exactly, whether or not you can actually see the sign? How about if it doesn't fall down and impale some passing motorists....so far that test is successful it would seem, because the sign's been there for at least 5 years. I'm really confused by that thing.

Second....crap. What was my second question again? I don't remember. That's really unfortunate. Well, I suppose it's just one question then. Anyway...tests signs. What's up with that?

I'm not going to editorialize

I'm somewhat curious what you think.

Those of you who attend OU have already seen this, but here it is anyway.
From my e-mail today:

Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 09:55:13 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Security Alert
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

TO: Students, Faculty, and Staff

Students, faculty and staff should stay in their buildings or dorms until further notice.

Then:

Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 10:25:10 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Security Update
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

TO: All Students, Faculty, and Staff

The OU Police Department has made a saturated search of the area where a person carrying a suspicious object was spotted. No person with a weapon has been found. It is now believed that the person was possibly carrying a yoga mat which was mistaken for a weapon.. We should therefore proceed with the normal schedule. The individual carrying the items was described as a caucasian male of student age partially balding or with short hair and wearing a yellow shirt. If such a person is seen carrying a suspicious object it should be reported to the OU Police Department at 1911 or 325-1717 or blue phones should be used. If anyone feels that he may have been the person who was seen and was thought to be carrying a weapon that person should also call the OU Police Department to reassure the community.

Thank you for your cooperation

David L. Boren
President

And finally:

Date: Tue, 17 Apr 2007 12:10:27 -0500 (CDT)
From: dboren@ou.edu
Subject: Security Update
To: donotreply.edu@buchanan.ou.edu

TO: All Students, Faculty, and Staff

The person apparently seen by the student making the earlier report has self-identified himself. He was carrying an umbrella and not a weapon. We appreciate his action in identifying himself. We now consider the matter closed. I appreciate the cooperation from the university community on this matter. We always want to err on the side of caution in a situation like this.

Sincerely,
David L. Boren
President

Well, there you have it. Okay, I lied; I have to say something. "Self-identified himself"?! Just because the school's concerned about security doesn't mean they should stop proofreading. Ye gods, that's horrendous. Anyway, thoughts?

I've Had an Epiphany

You people make me sick.

That's right, you all, the meat-eaters of the world, make me want to regurgitate my innards all over your tainted kitchen tables. I've made the solemn vow before nature and evolution and Sacred Cows to never consume the flesh of a poor innocent creature again, for every bite of their blood-soaked tissue is another drop of my soul that seeps out of the pours of my humanity, into the choking morass of cold immorality. I will fight for the rights of defenseless creatures that have no way to fight the wicked humans that chop them up into tiny bits, as every cell screams out in the agony of a thousand burning villagers. We must stand where a hamburger cannot stand, shout where the ham and cheese sandwich cannot shout, rise up for all the chicken wings that could never rise up!

Vegetarianism is not enough! Vegans across the world is the only way the precious animals will ever get their due, and have the wrongs done them righted. Every day across the world, atrocities are being committed sooner than we eat out breakfast. Thousands of aborted chickens are consumed without a second thought, other than this egg is tasty. BARBARIANS! How would you feel if those were your embryos!? You certainly wouldn't fry them up in a deplorable pan mired with diced veggies and morally reprehensible cheese. That deplorable concoction poisons everything from perfectly reasonable pasta and nutritious broccoli to the hated hamburger and senseless chili con carne. People take the purest food lovingly made for young animals by their mothers and ruin it with insidious enzymes and belligerent bacteria. But don't think for a second that you're in the clear if you leave that milk untouched. Homoginization is a sin, and there are starving calves in Africa. Every time you pour an ounce of milk, God kills a kitten. You don't want to kill kittens, do you?

Smooth and Intruiging!

Yeah, internet petitions never work, but it comforts me to know somebody else cares.

A Few Questions: Some Asked, Some Answered

This week, the big question on every OU basketball fan's mind was answered:

That's right, Kellen Sampson, son of former coach Kelvin Sampson, will not being following Daddy to Indiana; he will stay on and play (or, you know, sit on the bench) for the Sooners. Oh yeah, and they hired some Capel guy.



Sometime in the last four days, Front Street has become James Garner Avenue. First of all, WTF mate? Second of all, why not Jimmy Bumgarner Avenue? Finally, now that it's gone, will we ever know why the hell it was called Front Street in the first place?

Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Selfish Racists

Surely we all remember those commercials for Trix. The kids that they target can't really understand what they are about. Sure, it's all good cereal fun...there's a cartoon rabbit, there are cartoon kids, and they have a playful back and forth that resembles that of the lucky charms leprechaun.

Kids grow up, though, and learn to understand the fact of the matter: that the Trix commercials are not about fruity goodness in every bite, they are about racism. All that poor rabbit wants is a simple bowl of cereal. The stuff looks good after all, and "the man" has been dangling it above his head for years. Those kids munch on that cereal like there's no tomorrow, smiling and laughing all the way. The rabbit asks for a bowl, and all he gets is "Silly black guy, good education is for kids,"...I mean, "Silly Asian, equal pay is for kids,"...er, "Silly woman, voting is for kids,"...wait, that's "Silly Arab, assumed innocence is for kids"...oh, who can remember these things?

All that cute little rabbit wants is to eat a bowl of cereal with the happy cartoon children. Why can't he? By the simple fact that he's a rabbit. Trix are for kids only because they say Trix are for kids. The sooner the rabbit has a bowl of Trix with the kids, the better chance we'll have of achieving the American Dream to which we aspire.

I know nobody cares...

...but at least somebody agrees with me on this. I give you an exerpt from this week's Tuesday Morning Quarterback, my favorite internet column:

Warning, serious digression: Even as a churchgoer, what gets me through the day is the belief that most things do not happen for a reason. God may be watching from afar, but tragedies past and present seem inexplicable unless most accidents, violence, sickness and other traumas are simply flaws of existence, lacking direction or larger purpose. If what goes wrong lacks purpose, then perhaps humanity may find ways to remove accidents, violence and sickness from life. Thus the idea that most things do not happen for a reason is, to me, a life-affirming thought. Digression ends.


Maybe I could have said it better myself, but since Gregg Easterbrook is a professional writer, I'll assume not.

Casting Lots For Tots

Loteria, Loteria, Loteria! Last fall's hot button issue in state politics has become this fall's newest craze. On October 12, the Oklahoma state lottery opened for business in grocery and convenient stores around our great state. Working inside a grocery store, I got to experience this firsthand. On opening day, the lines at the Albertson's customer service center were backed up farther than I've ever seen; people came in asking me, in my green apron and Starbuck's hat, if I could sell them lottery tickets. People were smiling and relieved, like little kids on Christmas morning, the focus of their anticipation finally coming to fruition. There was a feeling of excitement and newness in the air. It was look of the wave of the future; it was the sound of the dawn of a new era! It was the arrival of Almighty PROGRESS!

I've never seen so many people so eager to throw their money away.

In last November's election, the lottery passed by an overwhelming majority. I voted against it. The main response I got to that was something along the lines of how wonderful the lottery is because it benefits education. Okay, you should sit down, and if you're already sitting, you should grab on to something, because what I'm about to say may shock some of you:

People who play the lottery do not do it to help education. They do it because for whatever reason they like gambling, or because they think they're going to make money from it. The reality of the situation is that while there are a lot of people and companies making money from the lottery, the schools don't see very much of it. If you really want to help the schools, join your local PTA, volunteer, or make a direct donation to one of the many worthwhile institutions that would be happy to take advantage of your generosity.

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm glad Oklahoma's voters finally did something about getting funding for education. I just wish they would have done it in a more worthwhile way. I realize that a state lottery is like a tax on the stupid (statistically, lottery players will not break even) but I still can't condone its inception. I don't think anyone can argue with the fact that, in general, gambling is harmful to society. When overdone, it can turn into a powerful addiction that's harmful to the user's psychological health, and a slow drain on the wallet. Instituting a state lottery to pay for education is like introducing Oklahoma State Legislature Brand cigarettes to pay for highway repair. I have no problem with people gambling away their money, but our government should not be promoting a potentially harmful product to pay for things. This is why I did not and still would not vote to approve a state lottery.

Sean recently asked me if I would rather that they just taxed us to get the money. After some consideration, I've decided the answer is yes. A new tax to pay for education would be more efficient than the lottery, and as opposed to corporate welfare, or foreign aide, it's a tax I wouldn't mine paying. I'm happy to support a service that benefits my state's economy and reputation, even if it means I bring home a little less bacon each year.

The Most Useful List Ever

Okay, people, Shawn sent me this great thing:

This brings me to something. Yes, that's right, the rules for calling people's beds.

1. If it's your bed, you get it, no questions asked.
2. You can kick people out of your bed.
3. Generally, just friends spooning without permission is not, well, permitted.
4. Just friends spooning with permission, hey, go for it kid.
5. MURDER IS BAD!
6. If the owner of the bed is not present for the night, and they will never find out about it, go for it, kid...and by go for it, I do not mean, um, carnally. Yeah, I mean, sleepily.
7. If the bed is a tempurpedic, and is in the possession of one Alex English, he should give it to his dear friend Richard, in exchange for a cookie.
8. When using other people's beds, try to avoid leaving bodily fluids behind. We do not want this to look like a Dateline NBC hotel special.

Okay, so I guess this was less about calling beds, and more about just using them...so here you go:

9. When someone declares his or her bed open for the night, the first one in the same residence as the bed who calls it gets the bed.